


"Why is your face so close to me?"

by daveys19papes



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, M/M, Moritz and Ernst are roommates and i love that, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, asexual! ernst, bisexual! hanschen, gay! moritz, i think those tags will do, not really mentioned but i just thought id let you know that hansi is very very bi, trans! ernst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:51:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6112819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daveys19papes/pseuds/daveys19papes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Ernst?"</p>
<p>Ernst's ears pricked up at the sound of his name being called out by his roommate. </p>
<p>"What is it, Moritz?"</p>
<p>"Um, somebody's at the door for you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Why is your face so close to me?"

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so the ending is a little rushed, but I hope you like it! As always feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks to @friendly-feminist on Tumblr for the prompt!

"Ernst?"

  
Ernst's ears pricked up at the sound of his name being called out by his roommate.

  
"What is it, Moritz?"

  
"Um, somebody's at the door for you."

  
Ernst slowly got up off the bed he was lying down. It had been a rough day, Ernst always hated his gender appointments, but this one had been particularly bad. He'd been forced to talk about his parents, a touchy subject around him at any time, never mind when it was about his gender.

  
As he walked into the living room and saw Moritz on the sofa with his laptop on his knees, Ernst looked at Moritz quizzically, and Moritz just shrugged his shoulders in response.

  
Ernst flicked the chain on the door into its little lock and slowly creaked the door open. When he saw Hänschen Rilow stood there with his arms crossed over his work folders, he experienced a mix of emotions. First was confusion; Hänschen Rilow did not just turn up on your doorstep, especially if that doorstep belonged to Ernst Röbel and Moritz Stiefel. Then he felt a little scared, Hänschen Rilow was nothing, if not intimidating. The last thing he felt before speaking was an emotion he couldn't describe fully. Not in words anyway. He felt like his stomach was doing flips, and that didn't really feel good, but at the same time he also enjoyed it. He wasn't going to admit to having a crush on Hänschen, even though that is what it felt like. He wouldn't admit to it because he knew his feelings were never to be reciprocated.

  
"Hänschen! I- what are you doing here?" Ernst squeaked through the small gap between the door and the wall, over the chain that separated them.

  
"Well, maybe if you let me in Ernst, instead of talking to me over the doorstep, I'll tell you."

  
"Right, er, sorry, yeah, come on in."

  
Ernst opened the door fully to let Hänschen in. Moritz turned around to see who had just walked into their shared apartment, but quickly turned away when he recognised the dirty blonde hair that Hänschen had. Neither of them liked each other much, but they rarely talked. The only thing was that Moritz was also a little scared of Hänschen. And not just because Hänschen was frightening, but because he knew of Ernst's crush. He thought that if Ernst and Hänschen ever got together, then Ernst wouldn't be good friends with him anymore, they'd leave to get a flat all on their own, and Moritz would be left without a person who definitely cared about him. Well, cared enough to make him coffee every morning.

  
"I've come to deliver notes from today's class, Ernst. I thought you might like them."

  
"Oh, thank you Hänschen! That's very kind of you to bring them over, you didn't have to!"

  
Without thinking, Ernst wrapped his arms around Hänschen and pulled him in for a tight hug. For those who were close to Ernst, like Moritz or the girls, hugging was not an uncommon occurrence. But for Hänschen, this was new, and he didn't really know what to do with this boy wrapped around him. He gingerly patted Ernst's shoulder until Ernst jumped back in surprise.

  
"Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hug you. It was just instinctive. Um, thank you for the notes." He glanced at the window awkwardly for a moment before turning back to Hänschen.

  
"Do you want to sit and have a coffee or something? We could maybe go through the notes together. It's awful out there; you'll probably catch a cold if you stay out too long." Hänschen followed Ernst into the small kitchen behind the sofa. This was also new to him. He'd never realised how caring Ernst was, even to people who he barely knew, like Hänschen was. And people weren't caring to Hänschen, they just weren't.

  
"How do you like your coffee, Hänschen?"

  
"Er, black, please, Ernst. Thank you, you don't have to do this."

  
"You didn't have to bring me your notes." Ernst turned from the coffee and smiled quickly at Hänschen before going back to the three mugs.

  
Once he had finished, he passed the only black one to Hänschen and hurried over to Moritz.

  
"We'll go into my room so not to disturb you. I know you've got important coursework to do. Don't worry, I won't forget about you. I'll be back in a bit, I just need to understand these notes a bit better."

  
Moritz smiled at Ernst, relieved that Ernst was not going to leave him all alone. He picked up the coffee that Ernst had set down for him on the table, and took a sip.  
"It's perfect. Thanks! That's okay, thank you for letting me work though."

  
"It's okay!"

  
Ernst smiled back at Moritz and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. This was also not uncommon for Ernst's friends, for Ernst was a very affectionate and tactile person.

  
As Hänschen and Ernst walked down the corridor to Ernst's room, Hänschen pondered aloud. "Are you and Moritz-"

  
"Together? No. I mean, we're both gay, and we share an apartment so I can see where you're coming from. But no. We're very good friends though, and I'm always affectionate with my friends."

  
This left Hänschen feeling relieved that Ernst was not dating Moritz, but also sad because, well, why hasn't Ernst ever been affectionate to him? Hänschen brushed this thought away from him as he sat down on Ernst's bed and pulled out the typed up notes he took in their Psychology class, (unfortunately) the only class that they shared with each other.

  
"Here you are."

  
Hänschen began to explain the notes he had taken, on the topic of gender equality and gender roles in society. Ernst wasn't really listening though, partly because he already knew most of it from his life experiences, and partly because he was enjoying watching Hänschen's lips move.

  
"Um, Ernst, I don't mean to be rude, but are you actually taking any of this in?"

  
"What? Oh, I'm sorry. I took some of it in. Not all of it. I'm sorry, Hänschen, I've just had a bit of a rough day, and I already know a lot of this stuff."

  
"How can you, we've only just started doing it?"

  
"Right, but I have my own personal experiences with it." Not really wanting to delve any deeper into his personal life, but at the same time really wanting to come out to Hänschen, Ernst shut himself up as he tried to work out what to say next.

  
Hänschen was left to ask about the other part of what Ernst had said. "What do you mean, had a rough day? What happened?"

  
"Um, well. I sort of had a doctor’s appointment."

  
"Oh, no, are you ill? Nothing serious, I hope?"

  
"No, no, I'm fine, thank you Hänschen. I have these regular appointments at a clinic, in the city. It's to do with- with my gender."

  
"Oh. Do you want to talk about it?"

  
Ernst paused for a minute to think about this.

  
"I don't mind. If you have any questions then I'm happy to answer them."

 

"Okay. Well, just stop me if you don't want to answer them, you definitely don't have to. I- why do you see a doctor about your gender?"

  
"Well- because when I was born, I- I wasn't exactly quite like this. I was assigned female, at birth, Hänschen. I'm trans."

  
Ernst looked at the ground, shuffling his feet on the carpet as he always did when he was nervous.

  
"And- I sometimes have to see a doctor about it. I'm on the waiting list for a specialist, but the waiting list is very long. And they have to ask me all sorts of questions about me and my life. And my family." Ernst added. He looked at Hänschen to see the reaction on his face, expecting some kind of disgusted shock. What he didn't expect though, was Hänschen smiling back at him.

  
"It's okay, Ernst. Funnily enough, I am actually a decent human being. You being trans is completely fine with me, and you know, you can always talk with me about it, if you like. I take it that Moritz knows?"

  
"Yes. And the girls." Ernst was smiling back at Hänschen, pleased at the way he'd taken everything.

  
"Was today particularly bad?" Hänschen then asked.

  
Ernst's face fell a little. "Well, they wanted to know more about my parents. And I mean, my parents, they're not exactly as accepting as you are. By that I mean they still use she/her pronouns with me and they refer to me as- by my birth name."

  
"Oh, Ernst. I'm sorry; I didn't know they were like that. I wish that they weren't, for you; I can't imagine how shit that must feel. But like I said, I'm always around."

  
"Thanks, Hänschen. I'm glad I told you. I'm really tired though."

  
"I bet you are. It sounds like a long day, even without psychology! Here. I'll email you the notes then you can make any amendments of your own."

  
"Thank you, Hansi. I mean, Hänschen, sorry."

  
"No, it's okay. I like Hansi."

  
Ernst didn't really know what to do with this new, kind, supportive Hänschen. He supposed he liked it, but it also made his stomach do more flips just thinking about him.

  
Hänschen finished tapping on his phone, as he sent the email to Ernst. He looked back at Ernst, who collecting things off his desk to make room for his coffee. Slowly, Hänschen leaned over to kiss Ernst's cheek, to show affection, like Ernst had done to Moritz earlier. Before he could press his lips to Ernst's cheek, Ernst must have felt Hänschen's presence, because he snapped his head around to face Hänschen. They were millimetres apart.

  
"Um. Why is your face so close to me?"

  
"Oh um, no reason, I must- I must have tripped, or something, I-"

  
But Hänschen didn't move away from Ernst. In fact, he moved closer towards him, and finally did what he'd been wanting to do for a long time. He pressed his lips against Ernst's, and the kiss- not to sound cliché- but the kiss, it was so golden, so perfect, so- heavenly. The kiss felt like no kiss Hänschen had ever had before. It felt like innocence; it felt like Ernst.

  
"I-Hansi- I don't-"

  
"Okay so maybe I didn't just come to deliver the notes from psychology." Hänschen joked. Then, seeing the look of confusion on Ernst's face he realised something.

  
"Oh shit, I'm sorry, you're probably not even into me like that, I just thought- I can leave, if you like? I- I'm sorry, Ernst, I-"

  
"No, Hansi, it's fine. I- hang on, you thought I wasn't into you?!"

  
"Um, well you see, I'm known for being good at sex, right, but the dating part of it, and the crushes and all? I'm so not good at that. I don't understand how to do it right. And I know you're ace and all, so I thought since that was the only thing people generally like about me, then it wouldn't really apply to you, so-"

  
Hänschen trailed off, leaving Ernst still stunned that Hänschen thought he, Ernst, didn't have a crush on him. Him, Hänschen Rilow!

  
"Of course I'm into you, Hänschen! Obviously not sexually, as we've acknowledged but, I am certainly into you."

  
"Oh."

  
A small smile crept onto both Hänschen and Ernst's faces.

  
"That's good. Does it mean I can do that again?" Hänschen asked.

  
"Definitely."

  
Ernst leaned forward this time, closing the gap in between him and Hänschen. The kiss was surreal, even more so than the first. It was also more lingering this time, which both boys didn't mind at all.

  
"Hansi?"

  
"Yes, Ernst?"

  
"Thank you for bringing the notes round."

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me feedback in the form of kudos or comments, I always like to improve my work so people can enjoy it more!


End file.
